Archive for the ‘saturday morning bullshit’ Category

Madonna stole Britney's Soul

March 22, 2008

Yesterday, while out and about, the new Madonna and Justin Timberlake song was brought to my attention.  In big bold letters on the top of the youtube page “4 Minites By Madonna feat Justin Timberlake and Timbaland” let me know that yes, Madonna has finally hopped on the Timbaland train.  As I listened to the song with the expected generic Timbaland sound that he makes all the rappers and rising hip-hoplets drop it like it’s hot and pop lock and drop it to like trained monkeys on a stage I couldn’t help but think about Britney Spears.  I think Madonna stole her soul when she kissed her at the VMA’s.


Now I don’t see how it wasn’t so obvious when it happened.  After the whole Madonna kiss Britney really started to loose it.  She had that weekend wedding to Jason Alexander in Vegas then the next September she married K-Fed.  I mean if you look closely, that’s when the downward spiral began.


This week’s episode of South Park really put the Britney situation in perspective.  You know, no matter how crude people think South Park is it really does have a pretty steady moral compass.  Although the ideas are a bit exaggerated the show itself has a pretty good grip on the reality of this country and I think that scares a lot of people.  It’s threatening to people’s routine of ignoring things.  Plus it has a lot of poop jokes.




In the episode Britney finally snaps and blows her head off with a shotgun.  When it showed her place the barrel of the shotgun in her mouth fallowed by her head exploding in graphic detail making my browline touch my hairline and my jaw literally fall off my face and onto the floor I was a bit put off, to say the least.  But she lived… and they got her right back in the studio where her recordings were a mish mash of gargles and glugs out of the half of a head she was left with.


The point was that nobody would really even notice if she blew half her head away, they would still be concerned with what outrageous thing she’s doing or what she wore to the VMAs.  I think this was Madonna’s motivation for stealing her soul.


Before Madonna stole her soul Britney was doing pretty good.  She was a bit outrageous, a bit naughty but she was still a decent performer, as far as pop singers go.  This threatened Madonna.  If you think about it, the Goddess of Pop never really went off the deep end.  She was outrageous, she was naughty but she wasn’t bat shit crazy.  If Britney continued along in her footsteps, well… it’s kinda like the Highlander.  There can be only one, you know?  If you think about it nobody’s really heard From Christina Aguilera since then either and she got the Madonna Kiss too.  I guess she was just like a little desert for the soul-eating Madonna, like an after dinner mint or something.


Now she’s got Timberlake.  What are her plans with him?  Did Michael Jackson hire her to hold his ground for him since he’s off touching little boys in Bahrain?  If Madonna isn’t stopped she could end up taking out the entire New Mickey Mouse Club.  Didn’t she let J C Chasez hit it one time in her limo or something?  Because he isn’t doing shit either…


I mean Madonna is about to be 50, how else is she supposed to stay young besides consuming the essence of young rising starlets?